My Prayer By Candan's Grave
Today I visited Candan's grave, as I have done several times since her burial on 14th March. I read "Yasin", as I do every morning. However, this time I did not feel peace as always before, but a pang of sorrow. Her last minutes came to my mind. I imagined life going on at Connecticut College without her; people having fun, attending parties, making future plans, etc. Neither she nor I deserved this, if that wouldn't offend God.
Added on 02 May 2006: These were Jill Pellarin's comments. I felt like publishing them:
Every day, every spring day that goes by, I feel sad that Candan is not here to see it. And like yours, Bayraktar, my grief sometimes turns to doubt and despair. Then I remember the person that Candan was. How much life she packed into her twenty brief years on this earth! And I remember too how freely she gave her love with both words and hugs. I was almost startled when she first told me, "I love you." But then it was so easy to love her back. . . now her beautiful face smiles at me from my bureau, and I can feel that love shining on me. I was always sending Candan "virtual" email hugs. If only I could hold her in my arms and hug her, tell her one more time how much she meant to me, how much I loved and miss her.
10:09 PM
Added on 02 May 2006: These were Jill Pellarin's comments. I felt like publishing them:
Every day, every spring day that goes by, I feel sad that Candan is not here to see it. And like yours, Bayraktar, my grief sometimes turns to doubt and despair. Then I remember the person that Candan was. How much life she packed into her twenty brief years on this earth! And I remember too how freely she gave her love with both words and hugs. I was almost startled when she first told me, "I love you." But then it was so easy to love her back. . . now her beautiful face smiles at me from my bureau, and I can feel that love shining on me. I was always sending Candan "virtual" email hugs. If only I could hold her in my arms and hug her, tell her one more time how much she meant to me, how much I loved and miss her.
10:09 PM
posted by K. N. Bayraktar at 19:25
2 Comments:
Every day, every spring day that goes by, I feel sad that Candan is not here to see it. And like yours, Bayraktar, my grief sometimes turns to doubt and despair. Then I remember the person that Candan was. How much life she packed into her twenty brief years on this earth! And I remember too how freely she gave her love with both words and hugs. I was almost startled when she first told me, "I love you." But then it was so easy to love her back. . . now her beautiful face smiles at me from my bureau, and I can feel that love shining on me. I was always sending Candan "virtual" email hugs. If only I could hold her in my arms and hug her, tell her one more time how much she meant to me, how much I loved and miss her.
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